So, I'm back , it's only been..........what.......3 months and a few weeks since Ive posted my last blog, at the time I was going through a break up with the love of my life, and I had to get some things off my chest, now I'm falling in love with my career,and myself, I want to be the best version of D I can Be, and the potential that my life has gained since the beginning of this year is reassuring to me that I'm moving in the right direction! I'm back out here in Vegas, working on Pawn Stars and it's been fun, it's had it's ups and downs but what experiences don't right? Still talk to my ex- who's still my BF, there's no one who I confide in totally but she knows most of my secrets, I think that's just the cancer in me that won't allow anyone to get totally in, always a problem I've had with others who wanted me to give more of myself. It's so much going on right now, I'm trying to stay sane in this world and maintain my focus, temptation is dangled enticingly on every corner out here in Vegas, gorgeous women, every age, shape, size, heels, mini's everywhere, casinos, this collage of instant gratification, a facade, because you gotta pay to play, I keep telling myself I'm done with the casino, yeah right although I'm better at controlling my impulses, I still give in from time to time, tossing a 20, down on a black jack table that the dealer fake apologetically takes from me with the Grinch's grin. I've lost my mojo somewhat to a degree also. I know confidence is the key with women but mine comes and goes at times, and I don't like it, the flip side is when i do approach a young lady I'm interested in most of the time it ends well for me. I've never had a problem talking to women, but I see Fi's face everywhere,and I'm still at the point where songs I hear remind me of us constantly, the most recent one is B.O.B's "Beautiful girls", the lyrics make me ponder on the fact that yeah there's a lot of beautiful women out there but could I have potentially let the one slip away, although she's still apart of my life, is she at a point where she's going to evolve on a entirely different plain, I've just got to keep reminding myself that I'm the chocolate wonder, and what I want I eventually get, patience was never a strong suite of mine though. I'm glad I'm writing this , hopefully I can continue to let these thoughts pour out on a more regular basis, this is supposed to be therapeutic for me , to let these thoughts out of my head and onto this screen, aahhhhh! does feel like weight is being relieved from my stress. This is a time of I'd like to think and know I'm made of stronger stuff! The time is now D, leave the doubt out, and stir your confidence in that cauldron of I, you know all the other ingredients you've got to add to serve yourself up to the world as that 5 star dish that you are, does take time though, you've always known what you had, and have to do though, Now's the time, I can't wait to see the king your going to turn into, but you're made stronger than you've shown yourself to be , Now is the time, Now, because insanity is just not a option!
