I want to learn how to control the voices in my head, really the one that always leads me to anger, mad at the cards that life has dealt me, unappreciative of those things that others wish for that come to me easily. Friendship, love from family, the gift of always being provided opportunity. Anger that emotion that bubbles to the service from that voice that speaks over and over. Some say it's the ego, and I may have to say i agree. Life has been a constant battle with ego, nothings ever good enough for him, he leads me to jealousy, rage, madness, and the alternative to this emotion is sadness, and it seems so weak so undeserving of attention, so I choose the latter, but what makes it worse is that these emotions stay hoarded, boxed up inside, only to dissipate or gain momentum to the day where the slightest thing is liable to throw me over the edge. With God's help I can overcome this beast of burden. This anchor that holds me down while my wings streak in agony begging me to fly, fly, soar into destiny, into the beams of happiness.I will slay this Goliath, and then I will be King!
I guess it's more of a discussion of good verse evil, or love vs hate. As in the Star Wars saga, the darkside is very powerful but a path chosen by weaker minds, minds that choose not to fulfill their divine potential. I'd like to know that 'm made from stronger stock, I'd like to know that God has invested more in me than to take the easier way out of things, but it is difficult which we all understand. Right now even writing this my words I want to regress to using profanity and other dirty sentences to express how I feel, strength has to be cultivated, and harnessed, and even once attained it has to be nurtured and preserved. I will make a conscience effort to seek guidance from those in my circle , but friends are even unaccommodating to closure, and that's all I want, the journey continues.
